Hotel Advertises Rooms for £39 — Then Charges £65 Extra for the Bed
By Albert Immerson, Chief Crime Correspondent
Holidaymakers are demanding answers after a hotel launched rooms for the astonishing price of just £39 a night—before revealing that actually having a bed in the room costs another £65.
The bargain was advertised by The Grand Budget Hotel under the slogan:
“Luxury Accommodation From Only £39!”
What the advertisement didn’t mention quite so prominently was that £39 buys you the room.
Just the room.
Four walls, a ceiling and, subject to availability, a floor.
Everything else is extra.
Albert Books a Bargain
Albert Immerson spotted the £39 offer online and immediately booked a night to investigate.
At reception, manager Patricia Pillow greeted him enthusiastically.
“Excellent choice, sir. That’s £39.”
“Wonderful,” said Albert.
“Would you like a bed?”
Albert looked at her.
“I was rather hoping so.”
“Excellent. That’s another £65.”
Albert initially thought she was joking.
Patricia wasn’t.
She produced the hotel’s Optional Comfort Menu.
Bed — £65
Mattress — £25
Pillow — £8 each
Duvet — £14
Clean Sheets — £11
Bedside Table — £6
Lamp — £4
Electricity for Lamp — 75p per hour
Albert stared at the list.
“What happens if I don’t pay for the bed?”
“You still get the room.”
“And where do I sleep?”
Patricia smiled.
“That’s entirely up to you, sir.”
The Bathroom Situation
Albert collected his key and headed upstairs.
His room did indeed contain four walls and a floor.
The bed was sitting behind a red velvet rope.
A sign attached to it read:
BED ACCESS FOR AUTHORISED GUESTS ONLY
Albert then entered the bathroom.
The toilet had a coin slot.
TOILET — £2 PER VISIT
The shower operated using a contactless payment terminal.
SHOWER — £3 PER MINUTE
HOT WATER UPGRADE — £1.50 PER MINUTE
Towels could be rented for £7.
Dry towels were £9.
Albert asked Patricia what the £7 version was.
“Previously enjoyed.”
The Window Package
Albert noticed heavy curtains covering one wall.
He opened them.
Nothing.
There was no window.
He telephoned reception.
“Your website says every room has a view.”
“Absolutely, sir.”
“I haven’t got a window.”
“Windows are included with our View Package.”
“How much?”
“£19.99.”
Albert paid.
Five minutes later, a member of staff arrived carrying a framed photograph of Brighton Pier.
He hung it on the wall.
“There you are, sir.”
Albert was speechless.
“That’s the view?”
“Sea view,” replied the employee proudly.
Breakfast Included*
The following morning, Albert went downstairs after noticing his booking confirmation said:
BREAKFAST INCLUDED*
The asterisk was doing considerable work.
Breakfast was included.
Eating it wasn’t.
A waiter placed a full English breakfast in front of Albert.
“Lovely,” Albert said.
“That’ll be £12.50.”
“But breakfast is included.”
“The breakfast is free, sir.”
“So what’s £12.50 for?”
“Cutlery.”
Albert picked up a sausage with his fingers.
The waiter disappeared briefly and returned with another bill.
Unauthorised Hand Dining — £4.50
Checking Out
Albert returned to reception and requested his final bill.
His £39 room had become:
Room — £39
Bed — £65
Mattress — £25
Pillow — £8
Duvet — £14
Sheets — £11
Toilet — £4
Shower — £9
Hot water — £4.50
Towel — £9
Sea View Package — £19.99
Breakfast cutlery — £12.50
TOTAL: £221.99
Albert sighed.
Patricia tapped her computer.
“That’s another £2.”
“What is?”
“Sighing in reception.”
One Final Surprise
Albert handed back his room key.
Patricia smiled.
“Thank you. And that’s £10 for checkout.”
“You charge people to leave?”
“Of course.”
“What happens if I don’t pay?”
“You’ll have to stay another night.”
Albert slowly took out his wallet.
Patricia leaned forward.
“Would you like a receipt?”
Albert narrowed his eyes.
“How much?”
“£3.50.”
“No.”
“Excellent. Receipt Decline Administration Fee: £2.”
DODGY RATING: 10/10
Albert awarded maximum marks after discovering The Grand Budget Hotel had recently won an award for Britain’s Cheapest Hotel Room.
Technically, the claim was completely correct.
The room really was £39.
Staying in it was the expensive part.