Doug Burgum Reveals Trump Personally Rebuilt Reflecting Pool… Sons Immediately Listed the Old Bits on eBay

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Interior Secretary Doug Burgum has revealed what he described as “one of the greatest engineering achievements in presidential history,” claiming that President Donald Trump personally repaired the White House reflecting pool armed with nothing more than a gold-plated spanner, a spirit level and “an incredible eye for luxury.”

Speaking to reporters, Burgum insisted the President refused outside help.

“He said, ‘Doug, stand back. I’ve built things all my life. Nobody reflects better than me.'”

According to Burgum, Trump climbed into the empty pool wearing an immaculate designer suit and spent several hours directing work while pointing at random paving slabs.

“He didn’t actually touch many tools,” Burgum admitted, “but he pointed at them brilliantly.”

The operation reportedly took an unexpected turn when Trump instructed his sons to remove the old lining from the bottom of the pool.

“Don’t throw those away,” he allegedly shouted. “They’re vintage presidential paving stones now!”

Within minutes, Don Jr. and Eric were said to have opened laptops and begun photographing every cracked tile, rusty bolt and suspicious-looking drain cover.

An eBay listing soon appeared titled:

“GENUINE PRE-OWNED WHITE HOUSE REFLECTING POOL PART. MAY HAVE BEEN LOOKED AT BY A PRESIDENT. RARE!”

Opening bids started at $4,999.99, plus $899 shipping.

Another listing offered:

“Authentic Presidential Mud (Small Jar).”

Description:

“Collected personally during the world’s most luxurious pool refurbishment. May contain traces of greatness.”

A slightly bent drainpipe was advertised as:

“Executive Limited Edition Curved Water Guidance Device.”

Meanwhile, a bucket of gravel was renamed:

“Freedom Stones – Individually Unremarkable.”

Doug Burgum praised the family’s entrepreneurial spirit.

“They don’t waste anything. Even the weeds were packaged as ‘Historic White House Landscaping Collectables.'”

Bob the Builder, reporting for The Dodgy Scammer, said bidders quickly became confused after discovering several identical “one-of-a-kind” paving slabs appearing for sale every few minutes.

“I’ve never seen a pool become a souvenir shop quite so quickly.”

The White House gift shop has reportedly become concerned after visitors began asking whether they could buy sections of the presidential plumbing.

One tourist was allegedly overheard asking:

“Do you have any genuine Oval Office wallpaper?”

The reply came instantly.

“Not yet… but give it until next Tuesday.”

Officials insist the reflecting pool is now fully operational, although they admitted its water level mysteriously dropped overnight after someone listed:

“Slightly Used Presidential Water – Collection Only.”

At the time of publication, Doug Burgum confirmed President Trump was already planning his next restoration project.

“He says he’s going to renovate the White House roof next.”

Don Jr. and Eric were reportedly seen preparing new eBay listings for “Pre-Owned Historic Roof Tiles – Some Weathering, Full of Character.”