Supermarket Introduces Tip Screen at Self-Checkout — Customers Asked to Tip Themselves
By Albert Immerson, Chief Crime Correspondent
Shoppers have been left confused after a supermarket introduced a 20% suggested tip at its self-checkout machines—despite customers scanning, packing and paying for their own shopping.
The new system was discovered when pensioner Doris Bagworthy bought a loaf of bread, six eggs and a tin of beans.
After scanning everything herself, the machine displayed:
HOW MUCH WOULD YOU LIKE TO TIP YOUR CASHIER?
10% — GOOD SERVICE
15% — EXCELLENT SERVICE
20% — OUTSTANDING SERVICE
Doris looked around.
There was no cashier.
Then she realised.
She was the cashier.
Albert Goes Shopping
Dodgy Scams immediately sent Albert Immerson to investigate.
Albert selected a basket, walked around the supermarket, chose his groceries, carried them to the checkout and scanned everything himself.
The machine then announced:
Unexpected item in bagging area.
Albert removed the item.
Item removed from bagging area.
He put it back.
Unexpected item in bagging area.
Albert called for assistance.
Nobody came.
After four minutes, an employee approached, tapped a card against the machine and disappeared without speaking.
Albert’s screen immediately displayed:
PERSONAL ASSISTANCE FEE — £2.50
Would You Like to Leave a Tip?
Albert’s shopping came to £27.40.
The machine asked him to select a gratuity.
He pressed NO TIP.
A second screen appeared.
ARE YOU SURE?
Albert pressed YES.
A third screen appeared.
Was there a problem with your service today?
Albert stared at it.
“I WAS THE SERVICE!”
The machine waited several seconds.
Then displayed:
VOICE INTERACTION FEE — 50p
Management Explains
Albert demanded to speak to supermarket manager Gordon Checkout.
Gordon explained that tipping at self-service machines was simply about recognising good service.
“But I served myself.”
“Exactly.”
“So the tip goes to me?”
Gordon laughed.
“No.”
“Where does it go?”
“The supermarket.”
Albert opened his notebook.
“Then it isn’t a tip.”
Gordon shook his head.
“It’s a Customer Service Appreciation Contribution.”
“But I’m the customer.”
“Correct.”
“And the person providing the service.”
“Correct.”
“So I’m paying you to thank myself?”
Gordon smiled.
“Now you’ve got it.”
New Self-Service Charges
Albert then noticed another sign beside the machines.
SELF-CHECKOUT PREMIUM SERVICES
Using scanner — 50p
Using touchscreen — 25p
Bagging your own shopping — £1
Requesting staff assistance — £2.50
Using supermarket electricity while scanning — 35p
Printing receipt — 75p
Not printing receipt — 50p
Albert pointed at the final two charges.
“So whichever option I choose, you charge me?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Customer choice.”
Bring Your Own Bag
Things became even stranger when Albert selected:
I HAVE MY OWN BAG
The machine replied:
PERSONAL BAG INSPECTION FEE — £1
Albert selected:
I DON’T NEED A BAG
The screen changed again.
BAG DECLINE ADMINISTRATION — 75p
Albert eventually carried everything in his arms.
A security guard stopped him at the exit.
“Would you like to purchase a bag, sir?”
“No.”
“Excellent. That’s another 75p.”
Employee of the Month
Before leaving, Albert noticed his receipt contained something unusual.
He had earned 17 Staff Performance Points.
Albert asked Gordon what they were for.
“You scanned 14 items without assistance.”
“So?”
“That’s better than some of our employees.”
Albert was delighted.
“What do I get?”
“If you reach 100 points, you become Employee of the Month.”
“Do I get paid?”
Gordon looked horrified.
“Good heavens, no.”
“You get 10% off your next self-checkout tip.”
DODGY RATING: 10/10
Albert awarded maximum marks after discovering the supermarket’s latest innovation.
From next month, customers will be invited to help unload delivery lorries, stack shelves and mop the floor.
Anyone completing all three receives:
£5 OFF A £100 SHOP.
Albert asked Gordon whether customers would eventually be expected to run the entire supermarket themselves.
Gordon smiled.
“That’s the long-term plan.”
“And what will management do?”
Gordon looked genuinely surprised by the question.
“The same thing we do now.”
Albert waited.
“What’s that?”
Gordon adjusted his tie.
“Management.”