🇳🇬 Nigeria Announces Bold New “Scam Tax” to Boost Economy
By Claude Callagain, Chief Financial Correspondent
ABUJA — In what economists are calling “the most unusual tax reform since someone tried charging pigeons for parking,” the Nigerian government has unveiled a controversial new proposal to legalise scam call centres—provided they hand over 20% of their profits to the Treasury.
Under the tongue-in-cheek proposal, thousands of operators would reportedly receive official licences, business rates and even a shiny certificate reading:
“Government Approved Creative Financial Redistribution Specialist.”
Finance officials joked that if people were determined to send money to complete strangers after receiving an email beginning with “Dear Beloved Friend…”, they might as well collect a bit of tax along the way.
One imaginary minister quipped:
“For years these people have shown extraordinary entrepreneurial spirit. We’d be foolish not to encourage such… creativity.”
Existing scam operators would supposedly be offered a range of business packages.
- Bronze Licence – Email Scams Only
- Silver Licence – Romance Scams Included
- Gold Licence – Unlimited Fake Princes
- Platinum VIP – Includes use of three imaginary oil fields and two inherited fortunes.
To make the scheme appear even more professional, scam centres would undergo annual inspections to ensure they maintained “high standards of fictional storytelling.”
Inspectors would reportedly check that fake bank managers sounded convincing, imaginary lawyers had believable names and that at least one message contained the traditional phrase:
“Kindly do the needful.”
A government spokesman, trying desperately to keep a straight face, allegedly explained:
“We’re simply bringing an existing industry into the formal economy.”
Opposition politicians immediately criticised the plan, claiming 20% was far too low.
“At least make them pay VAT,” one fictional MP argued.
Meanwhile, international scam victims welcomed one small benefit.
“If I’m going to lose my savings,” sighed one pretend businessman, “it’s comforting to know a few roads might get repaired.”
The proposal has, naturally, been condemned by absolutely everyone with common sense.
Officials insist the story should not be taken seriously, although they admitted applications for the imaginary Ministry of Creative Wealth Acquisition had already exceeded one million.
As always, if someone emails claiming to be a prince with £42 million waiting for you, the safest response remains the same:
Delete the email… unless they’re offering to pay the 20% tax first. 😄