Restaurant Introduces 20% Service Charge for Serving Yourself
By Albert Immerson, Chief Crime Correspondent
Customers at a popular restaurant have been left baffled after discovering they are being charged a 20% service charge despite doing virtually all the serving themselves.
At The Lazy Waiter, diners scan a QR code, choose their food on their own phones, place their own orders, collect their own cutlery, pour their own water and—during particularly busy periods—are encouraged to collect their meals from the kitchen.
The restaurant then adds 20% to the bill for what it describes as:
“Outstanding Personalised Service.”
Albert Immerson went undercover immediately.
Mostly because it was lunchtime.
Welcome! Now Get On With It
Albert arrived at 12:30 and waited at the entrance.
Nobody came.
After five minutes, he spotted a sign:
PLEASE SEAT YOURSELF
Albert found a table.
Another sign read:
PLEASE CLEAN TABLE BEFORE USE
A cloth and bottle of disinfectant had thoughtfully been provided.
Albert cleaned the table and sat down.
There were no menus.
Instead, a QR code instructed him to download the restaurant app, create an account, verify his email address, accept 46 pages of terms and conditions and enter his date of birth.
All Albert wanted was steak and chips.
Eventually he placed his order.
The screen immediately asked:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO LEAVE YOUR SERVER A TIP?
Options were:
20% — Good
25% — Great
30% — I’m Feeling Generous
40% — I Have Lost Control of My Finances
There was no obvious button for zero.
Albert eventually found it beneath Advanced Settings.
Your Food Is Ready
Twenty minutes later Albert’s phone vibrated.
ORDER 47 READY FOR COLLECTION
He walked to the kitchen.
A chef pointed at a plate.
“That’s yours.”
Albert carried it back to his table.
Halfway there, another customer asked whether he could bring some ketchup.
Albert did.
He was beginning to suspect he now worked there.
The Bill Arrives
After finishing his meal, Albert requested the bill.
His £18.50 lunch had somehow become £29.73.
He examined the charges.
Steak and chips — £18.50
Service charge — £3.70
Digital ordering convenience fee — £1.50
Kitchen collection fee — £2.00
Table cleaning contribution — £1.25
Cutlery usage — £1.00
Plate rental — £1.25
QR code maintenance — £0.53
Albert called over restaurant manager Trevor Tray.
“What exactly was the service charge for?”
Trevor looked confused.
“For the service.”
“But I ordered the food.”
“Yes.”
“I collected it.”
“Correct.”
“I got my own cutlery.”
“Absolutely.”
“I cleaned the table.”
Trevor smiled.
“Excellent service, wasn’t it?”
Things Get Worse
Albert asked whether the 20% charge was optional.
“Completely optional,” Trevor replied.
“Excellent. Remove it.”
Trevor tapped the screen.
A message appeared:
SERVICE CHARGE REMOVAL ADMINISTRATION FEE — £4.50
Albert stared at Trevor.
“That’s more than the service charge.”
Trevor nodded proudly.
“Most people just leave it on.”
The Toilet Situation
Before leaving, Albert visited the toilet.
A card reader had been installed on the door.
TOILET ACCESS — £1
Underneath was another notice:
PREMIUM TOILET EXPERIENCE — £2.50
Albert asked what Premium included.
“Toilet paper,” Trevor explained.
“What does the £1 version include?”
“The opportunity.”
An Exciting New Business Model
Trevor revealed the restaurant plans to take self-service even further.
From next month, customers choosing the new Ultimate Dining Experience will receive raw ingredients at their table and cook the meal themselves.
The restaurant will then add a 25% chef’s gratuity.
Albert asked why customers should tip a chef when they had cooked the food themselves.
Trevor thought for a moment.
“Kitchen atmosphere?”
DODGY RATING: 10/10
Albert awarded maximum marks after the payment machine presented one final question:
Would you like to round £29.73 up to £35 to support hardworking restaurant staff?
Albert pressed NO.
The machine displayed:
ARE YOU SURE?
He pressed YES.
Another message appeared:
Disappointment Fee — £2.50
Albert paid.
On the way out, Trevor handed him an application form.
Apparently, after taking three plates back to the kitchen, Albert had completed enough unpaid shifts to qualify as Employee of the Month.