Hotel Introduces £12 Bed Charge — Room Price Only Includes the Room
By Albert Immerson, Chief Crime Correspondent
Hotel guests have reacted with astonishment after discovering that a new budget hotel is charging customers separately for actually using the bed in their hotel room.
SleepCheap Hotels advertises rooms from just:
£29.99 PER NIGHT!
Unfortunately, £29.99 buys you precisely what the advertisement says.
The room.
The bed is extra.
So is the pillow.
And apparently, so is sleeping.
Albert Immerson immediately booked one night to investigate.
He arrived with £100.
He left the following morning owing them £17.43.
Checking In
Albert approached reception, where Crystal Checkout welcomed him.
“Good evening, sir. One night?”
“Yes.”
“Excellent. That’s £29.99.”
Albert paid.
Crystal handed him a room key.
“Thank you.”
“Key Activation is £3, please.”
Albert looked at the key.
“You’ve just given it to me.”
“Yes.”
“But it won’t open the room?”
“Not until it’s activated.”
“How else am I supposed to get in?”
“We can leave the door open.”
“Is that free?”
“Door Left Open Security Waiver — £5.”
Albert paid the £3.
Finding the Room
Albert entered the lift.
A screen displayed:
SELECT FLOOR
He pressed 4.
Nothing happened.
Then:
LIFT JOURNEY — £2
Albert walked towards the stairs.
A sign read:
STAIRCASE — FREE
Finally.
He climbed four floors.
At the top was another sign:
FITNESS FACILITY USAGE — £1
Apparently the stairs were now part of the hotel gym.
The Bed Surprise
Albert entered Room 417.
It was perfectly pleasant.
Television.
Bathroom.
Wardrobe.
Large double bed.
Albert sat down.
His phone immediately beeped.
BED CONTACT DETECTED — £4
Albert jumped up.
Another message appeared:
EARLY BED DEPARTURE — £1
He telephoned reception.
“Why have you charged me £4 for sitting on the bed?”
“Bed usage isn’t included in your room rate.”
“What exactly does £29.99 include?”
“The room.”
“Yes, but the bed is IN the room.”
“So is the television.”
Albert looked at the television.
He suddenly became nervous.
Sleeping Packages
Crystal explained the options.
BED ACCESS — £12
MATTRESS — £5
DUVET — £4
PILLOW — £3 EACH
FRESH PILLOWCASE — £2
LYING DOWN — £2
TURNING OVER DURING NIGHT — 50p
SLEEPING — £1 PER HOUR
Albert stared at the price list.
“Why would anyone pay £12 for the bed and another £5 for the mattress?”
“The bed package includes the frame.”
“So without the mattress?”
“You’re welcome to sleep on the frame.”
The Bathroom
Albert decided to take a shower.
The bathroom door opened freely.
Excellent.
The shower didn’t.
A contactless reader was attached to the taps.
SHOWER ACTIVATION — £3
Albert paid.
Water started.
It was freezing.
A message appeared:
HOT WATER UPGRADE — £2
Albert paid again.
Then he noticed:
SHOWER TIMER: 02:59
“What happens after three minutes?” he shouted.
Nobody answered.
Three minutes later, the water stopped while Albert’s hair was full of shampoo.
CONTINUE SHOWER — £2
Albert paid.
Towels
Albert stepped out and reached for the towel.
A large sticker read:
TOWEL RENTAL — £3
He used it.
Then noticed another line:
WET TOWEL RETURN — £1
Albert telephoned reception.
“How am I supposed to return a shower towel without getting it wet?”
Crystal thought for a moment.
“Don’t use it.”
The Television
Albert decided to watch the news.
He switched on the television.
TV ACTIVATION — £2
He selected BBC One.
CHANNEL SELECTION — 50p
He changed channel.
Another 50p.
He lowered the volume.
VOLUME ADJUSTMENT — 25p
Albert immediately put the remote down.
A message appeared:
REMOTE CONTROL USAGE — £1
He switched the television off.
EARLY ENTERTAINMENT TERMINATION — 50p
Albert began to suspect the safest activity was staring at the wall.
Then he noticed a small sign.
WALL ART APPRECIATION — £1.50
He closed his eyes.
Wi-Fi
The room advertised:
FREE WI-FI
Albert connected his laptop.
The connection worked perfectly.
Then:
INTERNET ACCESS — £4.99
Albert telephoned Crystal.
“You advertise free Wi-Fi.”
“Yes.”
“But you’re charging me £4.99.”
“Wi-Fi is free.”
“Then what’s £4.99?”
“Internet.”
Albert paused.
“So I can connect to the Wi-Fi for free, but I can’t use the internet?”
“Exactly.”
Albert was genuinely impressed.
Breakfast Included*
Albert’s booking confirmation said:
BREAKFAST INCLUDED
The following morning, Albert entered the restaurant.
A waiter brought him a plate.
It was empty.
Albert waited.
Nothing happened.
“Where’s breakfast?”
The waiter pointed at the plate.
“That’s your included breakfast service.”
“There’s no food.”
“Food is optional.”
The menu read:
Toast — £2
Butter — £1
Jam — £1
Egg — £2
Bacon — £3
Coffee — £2.50
Milk in Coffee — 50p
Sugar — 20p
Albert ordered toast and coffee.
“Would you like the toast toasted?”
Albert stopped.
“How much?”
“£1.”
Checking Out
Albert returned to reception.
“I’d like to check out.”
Crystal smiled.
“Certainly.”
Her terminal beeped.
CHECKOUT PROCESSING — £5
“You’re charging me to leave?”
“No, sir. Leaving is free.”
“So what’s the £5?”
“Confirming that you’ve left.”
“What if I just walk out?”
“Unconfirmed Departure Fee — £10.”
Albert paid £5.
The Final Bill
His £29.99 hotel room had become:
Room — £29.99
Key activation — £3
Stair fitness fee — £1
Bed contact — £4
Early bed departure — £1
Bed access — £12
Mattress — £5
Pillow — £3
Duvet — £4
Sleeping — £7
Shower — £3
Hot water — £2
Extra shower time — £2
Towel — £3
Wet towel — £1
Television — £2
Remote — £1
Wi-Fi internet access — £4.99
Breakfast — £7.20
Toast toasting — £1
Checkout — £5
TOTAL: £102.18
Albert stared at Crystal.
“My £29.99 room has cost £102.18.”
Crystal smiled.
“But the room itself was still only £29.99.”
DODGY RATING: 10/10
Albert awarded maximum marks after discovering SleepCheap’s newest promotion:
STAY TWO NIGHTS — GET THE THIRD NIGHT FREE!
Albert asked Crystal exactly what “free” meant.
“The room is completely free.”
“And the bed?”
“Extra.”
“Pillow?”
“Extra.”
“Shower?”
“Extra.”
“Breakfast?”
“Extra.”
“Wi-Fi?”
“Free.”
Albert looked surprised.
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“And internet?”
“£4.99.”
Albert nodded.
He should have known.
As he walked through the hotel entrance, the automatic doors suddenly closed.
A screen appeared:
HOTEL EXIT — £2
Albert turned around.
“Crystal!”
She smiled from reception.
“You can always stay another night.”
Albert paid the £2.
The doors opened.
His phone immediately beeped.
THANK YOU FOR STAYING AT SLEEPCHEAP.
Would you like to leave a review?
Albert selected:
NO.
The screen responded:
REVIEW DECLINE FEE — £3.
Albert has decided that next time he’ll sleep in his car.
SleepCheap has already anticipated this.